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Eliot Jacobson, Age 10
Eliot Jacobson, Age 10

Welcome to Eliot Jacobson‘s super happy fun website of the day (of the decade). If you arrived here it is most likely because you are looking for something that at some point in my life I was obsessed with. That thing might be mathematics, physics, casino advantage play, music, chess, modern poetry, magic, juggling or any number of other things. Did I mention that I have a “serial compulsive” personality. I pick a thing, attempt to get reasonably good at it, get bored or frustrated with the thing, and move on. Maybe five different things at a time. Repeat that pattern about every 5 to 10 years and you’ve got my life.

And I never miss my weekly meeting with the local chapter of OAOA “Over-Achieving Obsessives Anonymous.” Yeah, that doesn’t exist. But it should! Like that group for folks who talk way too much, onandonanon. I didn’t make that up, by the way. They’ve even got a website!

Black Holes and the Small Bang

For those who still think of me in casino/gambling terms, I retired in October, 2017 and shuttered my longtime business Jacobson Gaming. You can read a couple of recent articles about me here and here that go into more detail. My blog “APHeat!” moved here. My gambling books are no longer available (once in a while I put a couple of copies up on e-Bay, so check there). I haven’t been inside a casino since Fall, 2016. There are a few outstanding folks in the industry I miss hanging out with, but overall I am glad to have moved on (… andonanon).

The Multiverse’s Inner Child

Little Mac and Sujatha
Little Mac and Sujatha

Right now I am involved with two fairly new universes. I am a docent for our two female Asian elephants (Sujatha and Little Mac) at the Santa Barbara Zoo. Please visit sbzoo.org . And please donate (or donate to some non-profit, or a few of them)! If you happen to be passing through Santa Barbara, stop by the zoo and say “hi!”

My other new universe is that I am learning how to produce and direct TV shows. I am volunteering at the local community access station tvsb.tv . I am also producing and directing my wife’s TV show, “Dying in Grace.” Check out the show’s YouTube channel, @dyingingrace. Here is the first episode:

In the Beginning, April was the Cruelest Month 

You may be wondering where IJMP came from. This website was originally a “poetry” publication and forum (circa 2017). Way back then, IJMP stood for “International Journal of Modern Poetry.” Well, that’s over with. It’s not that I don’t like poetry, but like everything else creative in my life, I’ve moved on (for now). I’ve posted a few of my poems on this site for continuity (here). If you’re looking for a great poetry forum, I highly recommend Open Arts Forum.

At some point I decided I needed to become a published poet. This one did the trick (read it with a quaint Russian hooker accent):

Trump’s Cock

Oh, you tubby lubby of mine
You big boss man fire me
Tie me to your tree and stretch me
Make me scream mon petit carrot cake
Swim on me
Breast stroke all over me
Drive me on your beautiful golf course
Take me into your tower
My sweet coming billionaire
My gorgeous orgasmic El Presidente
Oh, Dongaldo, Dongaldski, Dongaldez,
Chongfu! Povtoreniye! Repetir!

Published July 4, 2017 in Algebra of Owls

The modern interpretation is that IJMP is short for “I Jump”, which metaphorically works considering my limited attention span and serial compulsiveness. It’s such a nice flower, oh the dog, yeah I don’t know who it belongs to, her name was Christine, or maybe Shirley, neutrinos are the lightest thing, unless something else is lighter, does air float? Rootbeer, of course!

Communicating with Aliens

Rosie with a rose
Rosie with a rose

Oh, ijmp.org makes for a very easy email address. If you need to get in touch with me, try the most obvious email address of the form @ijmp.org. If you are smarter than my dog Rosie, you’ll figure it out. What’s my first name?  Rosie is a nice dog, but she’s frightened of cats, loud noises and rain. She may not be a dog at all, I mean, she looks more like a pony, right? Or an alien from the planet spork.

Eliot Jacobson’s Fish

This heading is purely for SEO purposes. YEOST says I needed a heading with the focus keyword in it. My name is Eliot Jacobson and the heading above has Eliot Jacobson in it. See?! Yeah, it’s all about Google. Or maybe Graham’s number, or Tree(3). Some number somewhere must be important, that’s how I see it all playing out. That’s why my name is all over the site and page. I’m trying to drive my “Google casino gambling” stuff down in the searches and need something really SEO friendly to replace it.

As for 42, it’s obviously the wrong answer to the ultimate question.

10120  Years Later …

I hope something posted here is what you came looking for. If you read this far, then probably not. And certainly you are wondering about 10120. That number corresponds with the number of years required for the heat death of the universe, which is a topic I am certain you are very curious about. After all, who wouldn’t want to know the ultimate fate of the universe, right?

Cheers!

–Eliot

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