My Poetry

Here is a sample of some poems I wrote in 2016 and 2017.


Dead Elephant Hair

The end of an African
elephant’s tail is hairy.
The hair is coarse and
strong, like fishing line.

On big game safaris,
it’s traditional to cut off
the tail of your dead elephant
with a knife.

The bwana will take a
picture of you holding the
tail in one hand and your
knife in the other.

When posing, make sure to
hold the tail vertically:
bloody stump down,
hairy tip up.

Don’ let blood drip
onto the hair. Nobody likes
bloody elephant hair.
It’s very hard to clean.

Legend says wearing an
elephant hair bracelet
will protect you from
misfortune and illness.

It will bring love, health
and prosperity.
You only need two
or three hairs.

You can buy a
bracelet on eBay
or you can kill
your own elephant.

Tanzania and Mozambique
still allow elephant
hunting. But Zimbabwe
is the best place to go.

You will find an elephant
to kill about midway
between Bulawayo
and Victoria Falls.

Shopping for Godot

There are seventeen brands of water
on sale at Trader Joe’s and I’m thinking
Smart Water infused with
lavender essence, zero parts per billion,

because I want to be smart,
and lavender sounds like a Spring meadow—
lovers and their children,
being chased by bees

all the times I ran and how good
I got at running
at eating

grass-fed free-range
environmentally enlightened beef
with an e-Coupon
redeemable for negative karma

gluten free organic non-GMO Gala apples
each handcrafted by a wild
Arizona mustang’s bastard Kachina-child.

It’s such a relief to be healthy again.

My eyes stare Hubble-blue at you.
I’m four inches taller than Jesus.
My abs are six-pack pop-top aphrodisiacs.

You, with eight reasons to doubt me,
forget your list and
help me carry these heavy bags.

Poe’s Law

I got food stamps under my dog’s name— Rosie.
Her signature was tough to read but she licked like no other.

A man with a big nose and glasses sticking out his tongue: 8^P
You left me alone at the airport with $200 and 3 shirts.

I stole cable TV and traded it with my neighbor for lemons.
They were small and moldy; I picked the best ones.

The head of a duck smoking a cigarette: o<=~
Quackola, quack-a-roo-be-doo! Let’s all swim in our shit.

The fool of clubs, the naked hangman, the rape of the virgin—
I can’t wait to use the sarcastic blinky emoji again.

That way when you think I am calling you an idiot
you will understand I am really saying how brilliant you are.